Using the always available mobile, when the faculty of reason is in question, to announce or register a divorce might be laughable if it wasn’t for the fact that it is a real phenomenon. In these uncertain times, as Muslims, we may find ourselves facing dilemmas in the outside world that threatened to walk arm in arm with us when we enter the inner world of our homes and families. With nerves on edge, there are certain types of conversations with ones spouse that should be addressed face-to-face, and not via the mobile. The mobile is not a medium for in depth; heart felt conversations, but an instrument of expedient exchange of information. So, when a hiccup occurs in ones marital relations, further misunderstandings are bound to take place.
In 2001, on the issue of divorce by mobile in Dubai, the head of family reconciliation `Abdul Salam Darwish stated:
“The husband should be the sender, the second is that he should have the desire to divorce, the third that the phrasing should be unmistakable, and finally the wife should receive it”
In Singapore, The Islamic Religious Council of Singapore, Shari`ah Court and the Registry of Muslim marriages made a joint statement making it unacceptable.
“Only a judge can confirm a divorce after deciding that there is merit in the complaint filed by the couple at the Shari`ah Court"
Against the idea of divorce by SMS in Malaysia, lawyer and then Minister Azalina Othman called on the government to not validate divorce declarations sent by text message, because it trivializes marriage, and eradicates the importance of the institution of marriage in Islam.
However Mufti Hashim Yahya of the Federal Territory has been reported to have said that it is acceptable. Once the wife receives the message, she should report to the Shari`aH Court. This is seen to validate the divorce because both parties are present.
The most recent case took place in Egypt. An engineer by profession (unnamed) had an argument with her husband, an army officer away on duty. He called back, but not wanting to argue, she did not answer. The incident resulted in him asking for a divorce with the tag message:
"That will teach you not to answer my calls."
A reconciliation followed, and then another argument. Rightly, according to what Allah tells us in the Qur`an, she wanted her family to mediate. Her husband did not welcome the idea, and pronounced divorce by SMS again, but this time with the tag message:
"Don't ask other people to interfere in our business."
They reconciled again, and they divorced again, but this time the divorce was face-to-face.
Divorce in Islam
Islam emphasizes co-operation and any possibility of conciliation. Surat ul Baqarah 2: 229 states:
(Divorce may be pronounced twice; then keep them in good fellowship or let (them) go with kindness…)
This allows for the possibility of reconciliation and as we know reconciliation takes time. Surat ul Nisa 4:35 states
(And if you fear a breach between the two, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people; if they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them, surely Allah is Knowing, Aware)
The third pronouncement is stated in Surat Al Baqarah 2:230. To prevent any ugliness or ill intent the wife is kept in fairness ‘bi-ma’rufin’ or to be freed with kindness ‘bi ihsanin (Al Baqarah 2:231)
(And when you divorce women and they reach their prescribed time, then either retain them in good fellowship or set them free with liberality, and do not retain them for injury, so that you exceed the limits, and whoever does this he indeed is unjust to his own soul…” Islam clearly recognizes when a marriage causes more pain than joy and recognizes the rights of the wife “…and it is not lawful for you take any part of what you have given them, unless both fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, then if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits, of Allah, there is no blame on them for what she gives up to become free thereby…) (2:229).
Conviction ‘al-yaqin is when the conviction is so strong that the mind does not entertain the opposite idea at all. The faculty of reason is highly respected in Islam as Allah tells us in the Qur’an that when disputes take place. As humans it isn’t always easy to attain but this is why we are Muslims in order to make that extra effort. We know the unreliability of emotions when not balanced by reason. Researchers at Princeton University confirm this by scanning the brains of volunteers. The findings revealed that:
“We carry out our lives as though our moral judgments are based on reason but instead people act on gut feelings and make up reasons post hoc” said social and cultural psychologist Jonathan Haidt.
Published in Science magazine, co-author Joshua Greene said:
“Most of the important social and political issues and moral reasoning is highly structured by the structure of our brain. If we want to get along with one another and… we see the world in varying moral colors… we need to understand where those pictures of the world come from”
If we dare to explore, Islam teaches us that the marital home is a home of maturation for both husband and wife. Surat ul Nisa 4:35 demonstrate that we need to understand where those pictures of the world are coming from.
(Appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family, and the other from hers; if they wish or peace, For God will cause their reconciliation: for God hath full knowledge…)
As Muslims we will grow to realize how Islam frees us up for greater and better things, when we strive within its path. When we weaken the primary social institution for Muslims, we weaken the Muslim social fabric which others are doing quite well.
As for the Egyptian couple, the husband wants his wife back, the wife does not know if she is divorced, and the religious authorities are deciding on the case.
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